March 23, 2023 Dan Spracklen

Happiness

Are you happy? If you’re not, why? Where is it? What is it that makes you happy? Why can it be so difficult to find or create happiness? These are questions I have asked myself and is something I continue to struggle with. I have done a lot of soul searching about this subject. If you could change one thing in your life to become a happier person — like your income, a job, your relationships or your health — what would make the biggest difference? According to the experts the most prominent is that people should invest in their relationships with other people!

I don’t feel like I have really been happy for a long time now. Yes, when I’m doing something with friends or family, those times can be happy. I’m talking about overall happiness, happy with my current life deep in my soul. More good things versus bad things. If I look back, I would say 2012 is the last time I felt really happy. Coincidentally that’s the year my health took a downturn. Things were going well before 2012, certainly not perfect but I had lots to be grateful and happy about. Karen and I were enjoying life together, I had friends and family, kids and grandkids to enjoy. I was working at the fire department. I was healthy and felt great. Most of the things in my life were going well and certainly outweighed any negative things. For all purposes I was very happy. Research suggests that our overall happiness with life may be strongly associated with our satisfaction with and quality of life. Quality of life is a phrase I have used often fighting through my ordeal. My quality of life has certainly declined in the past 10+ years.

So what happened? What was it that took my happiness away? Was it something sudden or did it take time to dissolve? Can I find happiness again? Can I just look under a rock, look behind a door or in the junk drawer?

To connect with my last blog, many days I fear I won’t be happy again and my quality of life will not get better. I think my happiness slowly eroded away as I struggled to find answers to my illness. When Karen passed away it really took a major hit. Now each and every day is physically and mentally challenging. I admit I still have a lot of internal anger with several things. I’m angry about getting sick, angry about losing Karen, angry I couldn’t keep working and retire on my terms. I feel cheated, left behind. Resolving this anger must be done before I can find happiness. Many of my hopes and dreams I’ve had, now are seemingly unreachable.

The following is from Psychology Today – Happiness | Psychology Today

Happiness is not the result of bouncing from one joy to the next; researchers find that achieving happiness typically involves times of considerable discomfort. Genetic makeup, life circumstances,

achievements, marital status, social relationships, even your neighbors—all influence how happy you are. Or can be. So do individual ways of thinking and expressing feelings. Research shows that much of happiness is under personal control.

Regularly indulging in small pleasures, getting absorbed in challenging activities, setting and meeting goals, maintaining close social ties, and finding purpose beyond oneself all increase life satisfaction. It isn’t happiness per se that promotes well-being, it’s the actual pursuit that’s key.

I don’t want it to seem like I’m complaining, I’m just trying to figure out how to regain some much-needed happiness in my life. I’m trying to do this while struggling with physical and mental challenges depression, anxiety and PTSD. I have tried multiple things including things I did prior to my illness and some new hobbies. I do not get on social media as much and have removed people who were very negative. I’ve read multiple articles and had suggestions from people. Doing things that include very much physical activity can still be a problem but I’m trying. Projects that require me to mentally focus are also a problem. I have a lot of “brain fog” for lack of better terms. I am also a very negative person towards myself. Although I’ve accomplished many good things in life, I feel like I have failed in many areas. Hindsight is 20/20 and I shouldn’t keep looking in the rearview mirror trying to move forward.

It says above, much of this is under personal control. So, I have to find things that I can personally do that promote happiness in my life. Maybe the key is finding more things to be grateful for. Studies have shown that being grateful can make you more optimistic, improve your mood, and even lower rates of stress and depression. I have to persuade my brain to focus on the good things no matter how small they may be. I have made progress in being more positive. Sometimes I just need to push myself a little harder even though it’s difficult and many times has consequences.

If you have read my blogs over the past 8+ years, you know my story and struggles. I know everyone has struggles and handles them differently. I share my story for others to know they are not alone in their battle with any illness. I have a lot of plans or goals this year, many carried over from last year. My bowel resection last April changed many of my plans. Writing is also therapy for me, my way to vent sometimes. I’m grateful I can use a computer and tell my story. So I’m going to keep writing, keep working on goals, keep myself mentally focused the best I can to find happiness. Fingers crossed!

March 17, 2023 Dan Spracklen

Fear

It’s really strange what my brain thinks about when I wake up at 3:30 AM. Sometimes I’m able to go back to sleep, but many other times I’m not. On those mornings I usually do the wordle or wait for the 4 o’clock local news to come on. And then my brain starts thinking weird thoughts. Last night I sat at my desk, trying to think of something to write about. My mind was completely blank. But at 4 AM in the morning my brain is exploding with one particular thought, fear.

What is fear? We can all define the answer to that pretty easily. More the question would be, what do we fear? The answer to that question depends on each person individually. Everyone has different fears. Fear goes hand in hand with anxiety. Lately some people fear their bank going belly up and losing their money. So they pull their money out of their bank on fear.

The following is a list of top 10 fears (Phobias)

Arachnophobia: an intense fear of spiders and other arachnids

Ophidiophobia: an intense fear of snakes

Acrophobia: an intense fear of heights

Aerophobia: an intense fear of flying

Cynophobia: an intense fear of dogs

Astraphobia: an intense fear of thunder and lightning

Trypanophobia: an intense fear of injections

Social phobia: an intense fear of social interactions

Agoraphobia: an intense fear of places that are difficult to escape, sometimes involving a fear of crowded or open spaces

Mysophobia: an intense fear of germs, dirt, and other contaminants

10 most fears that hold people back in life.

Change

Loneliness

Failure

Rejection

Uncertainty

Something bad happening

Getting hurt

Being judged

Inadaquacy

Loss of freedom

The first list I really don’t have a fear to any of those. Maybe a little on social interactions depending on the situation. The second list is totally different. I have anxiety and a fear of each of these to some extent. Losing Karen, fighting pancreatitis, fallout from multiple surgeries and having to retire has contributed greatly to these. I’m challenged on a daily basis to overcome the anxiety that fear brings.

Sometimes the fear isn’t warranted but it happens anyway. Our minds have a weird way of working at times. I attended several hazmat schools when I was working and learning about how terrorism works, just the fear people have of a terrorist attack is often worse than the actual attack. There are also documented times in history where many people died trying to flee a building because someone yelled fire. Fear of dying in a fire sent them running in panic. Some people fear not going to heaven and their belief in God keeps them strong against that fear and other fears.

Fears are an everyday occurrence for many. Overcoming them is a challenge but can be done. How we do that depends on our mental focus, patients and practice. Will we ever get over our fears completely, not likely.

March 12, 2023 Dan Spracklen

Talking about the study and suicide

I have written about mental health before but felt I needed to touch on the subject again. Some for your reading pleasure but mainly for my wellbeing. My last post was about a Study from the University of Cincinnati as it followed a patient’s long-term health after having pancreatic surgery. At 10 years out after surgery, 4 out of 10 patients had died. The study listed that people died from infection, cancer, cardiovascular problems, diabetes, suicide and so on. The aftermath of pancreatic disease likely contributed to those problems. I started thinking about a reason that wasn’t listed. What about people who just plain gave up? Patients who didn’t commit suicide but said enough is enough and mentally quit. They stopped eating or taking supplements, maybe stopped taking medication, or stopped taking treatments of some sort. They might become isolated and won’t go out or engage in social activities. These people are physically depleted and mentally defeated. They give up trying to live anymore and continue to decline until death.

After years of being sick they are tired of –

-pain

-feeling crappy

-fatigue

– mental fog

-embarrassing situations

-unable to work

-not keeping the housework up

-feeling alone

-relationship problems

-being socially awkward

-feeling like a failure or burden

-seeing doctors

-feeling abandoned by doctors

-having tests

-being in the hospital

-fighting for good care

-fighting insurance

-taking pills

-financial difficulties

or any number of things.

I didn’t see a category for people who just gave up. I know a few people who gave up and died soon after. A couple of them were likely included in the UC study. I wonder what category they were listed under? What is the breaking point for people to just give up? I’m sure it is different for everyone depending on many of the reasons listed above. A study from 2018 found that people can die from giving up. Yes, People Can Die From Giving Up on Life (usnews.com)

I recently watched a few news stories and another TV show on college athletes who commit suicide. In most cases nobody knew they were depressed let alone suicidal. Most were excellent students and excelled in sports. They didn’t have any serious physical health conditions. A common theme with them however seemed to be how negative they were on themselves. If they made a mistake in the classroom or in their sport, they had very negative images of themselves. Many felt pressure or bullied from multiple people like coaches, family, teammates or social media. They would hide the thoughts and stress they were feeling. They would not seek help because of the stigma attached to mental health. Often people who are depressed are very good at hiding the depression. Putting on the mask as I say. https://dspracklen.wordpress.com/2019/02/12/the-mask/

Family and friends get the impression that everything is going great for the person and don’t suspect anything. Maybe they wonder about it but don’t ask because of the mask one puts on.

The large majority of doctors, nurses and councilors do not have a good understanding of the connection between pancreatic disease, pain and mental health. I have mentioned before that I think people when talking with their doctor, or councilors are not always truthful. Being labeled a drug seeker, alcoholic or other is an all too often problem. Mention the wrong word (suicide) and you will end up going to the hospital for evaluation for admission to the mental health wing. Been there done that. When asked if I thought about suicide, I said yes it had crossed my mind but no intention to do it. I was given 2 choices, go to the hospital willingly for evaluation or be escorted by the police. I was just being honest. If I can’t speak honestly to my councilor without them freaking out, what good is it? Who can I trust with my deepest memories and thoughts if I’m truthful about what I think? Sometimes digging up old memories isn’t the best thing to do?

I’m trying to write more again and post my blogs for others to read. Writing has been a way for me to vent and get out some frustration while helping others learn about the issues involved with pancreatitis and chronic illness. I know only a handful of people read my blogs which is OK. Sometimes I feel stupid sharing my struggles at my age. I get my therapy writing and hopefully others can learn or know they are not alone in their fight. This is made harder because of difficulty concentrating. I’m going to work on writing about things that involve my everyday world in a good way. Somedays it is very difficult to see the sun though the clouds, but it is there. I must be careful because that is one of the ways I use a mask when things are not so well. Getting up some mornings is extremely difficult while trying to convince myself that good things are going to happen. I am cautiously planning a few things to do this summer. I did the same last year and almost everything was derailed by two problems and three surgeries. I spent most of the time recovering.

Mental health is certainly a much needed and appropriate treatment for many people, myself included. I encourage anyone who has depression, anxiety or thoughts of suicide to seek counseling. I still struggle with depression and anxiety but have learned how to deal with it. Most of the time I’m successful in using the tools I have learned to keep it in check. It isn’t always easy.

March 1, 2023 Dan Spracklen

The Study

I remember all too well, the debate I had with myself on trying to decide whether or not I wanted to have the total pancreatectomy and islet cell autotransplantation (TPIAT) surgery. I spent many nights researching, compiling information, talking to others and even had a list of pros and cons. Pancreatitis is some of the worst pain you can have. Being in constant pain made me desperate for any relief. Nothing I had tried to mitigate the pain was working except high doses of strong pain medicine and that was only temporary. The doctors were reluctant to prescribe that and I didn’t want to take it. Treating pancreatitis is like throwing darts blindly. You never know what is going to help or how you will respond as the disease progresses. There is no one size fits all for pain relief. Patients try many different things, including diet change, yoga, mindfulness, medication’s non-opioid, and opioids. A patient can spend years trying to find anything that will help if at all. And let’s don’t forget the fight with insurance companies to get tests or treatments covered. Support or lack of from family and friends and the medical community is also a factor that can have a huge impact on the long-term outcome. I have had many tell me they have considered suicide at one point. It certainly crossed my mind.

If you have kept up with me or read my blog, you know I have said having this disease is the most demanding thing I have ever dealt with. Physically, psychologically, and financially, it is a never ending. Trade one serious problem for other chronic problems. My problems include diabetes, GI issues, malabsorption, PTSD and abdominal pain, although the pain is lower than before surgery. My bowel perforation last April was from scar tissue of my previous pancreas surgery.

A study was recently published by the University of Cincinnati, Long-Term Survival Outcomes after Operative Management of Chronic Pancreatitis: Two Decades of Experience. The study covers 20 years of 493 patients who have had operative intervention for chronic pancreatitis (CP). This is the first time a study has been done on long term outcome.

This is a direct quote from the study – Chronic pancreatitis (CP) is a debilitating disease process, causing refractory, chronic abdominal pain, narcotic dependence, frequent hospitalizations, pancreatic endocrine and exocrine dysfunction, and decreased quality of life. The last four words from that statement is really what it is all about. Decreased quality of life!

This link will take you to the article about the study. A link on that page will take you to the published study

Study of pancreatitis surgeries finds steady decline in survival (statnews.com)

These paragraphs from the study say a lot-

Findings from this study identify just how critical psychosocial care is for patients in the post operative period and beyond. Persistent narcotic dependence was the only factor associated with worse overall survival in the final multivariate model. While 73% of patients achieved narcotic dependence after definitive surgical therapy, the remainder continued to require narcotics. Weaning narcotics for these patients after surgery is a clinical challenge and often takes several months to achieve. These findings confirm just how important this process is in the recovery of these patients. Narcotics and psychosocial issues, including substance abuse, alcohol abuse, tobacco abuse, end-stage liver disease and suicide, are a major source of mortality and also identify an unmet need for these patients. A study from Estonia found similar issues regarding poor outcomes in this patient population and behavioral risk factors which they included continued tobacco and alcohol abuse, and alcohol-related liver disease.(25) It remains unclear how much of these deaths are preventable, but it is an area in need of targeted intervention.

This study serves as a benchmark for outcomes in patients with refractory CP requiring surgical intervention. It also identifies a major area of need in this patient population. The care for these patients must continue well after the date of surgery. These patients require coordinate care which should focus on and potentially alleviate some of the major sources of mortality including cardiovascular health, endocrine and diabetes management, as well as oncologic surveillance. Additionally psychosocial support is critical for these patients.

Conclusions: This study represents the largest study to date looking at long-term survival after definitive surgical intervention for chronic pancreatitis. 1-, 5-, and 10-year overall patient survival is 96%, 81%, 63%. Median age at time of death is 50.6 years. The most common causes of death include infections, cardiovascular disease, and diabetes-related complications. Psychosocial issues including narcotic dependence, substance abuse and suicide are a major source of mortality in this patient population.

The results of the studies do not surprise me. I have known from personal experience and meeting approximately 250 pancreatic disease patients face to face plus talking to many more online that there are many complications from this disease and treatments. I know of at least 20 people I’ve personally met who have passed away. I know of many more who have passed from the support groups online.

The fact that 4 out of 10 will die with in 10 years is sobering. Surgery is supposed to improve your life. Not having surgery on your pancreas and what your life expectancy is would be debatable. It would be good to see a study of patients who do not have surgery intervention, and this is mentioned in the study. Every person having surgery is looking for relief and a better quality of life. It would be interesting to know if patients who continue to have problems and are subject to more things like X-ray/cat scans, anesthesia, or multiple surgeries, if that contributes to pain, cancer or heart problems? What about replacement of insulin, enzymes, iron, other vitamin deficiencies? Patients are often less active and become socially uncomfortable. Current therapies do not work well for numerous patients who are just trying to have a better quality of life.

In the several speeches I have given at conferences, I have mentioned almost every item in this study. I’m glad a study was done that affirmed what deficiencies there are treating CP. As I have said before, it isn’t about me, it is about us, the pancreas community. What I have learned, written about and spoke about is what many I have talked to have mentioned to me. I’m glad there are numbers to support the problems. There are some pancreas centers who have not practiced good follow up care, patient surveys or psychological care. Some patients have been left in limbo after surgery, feeling left out in the cold. Now, how the medical community decides to manage this will decide the fate of many post-surgical pancreas patients.

December 23, 2022 Dan Spracklen

Hope

Hope defined by the dictionary

a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.
a feeling of trust or as verb – want something to happen or be the case.

Is hope similar to a wish?

Wish

feel or express a strong desire or hope for something that is not easily attainable
want something that cannot or probably will not happen
a desire or hope for something to happen.

Is a hope or wish similar to a dream?

Dreams indulge in daydreams or fantasies about something greatly desired.
Fantasize indulge in daydreaming about something desired.
imagine (something that one wants to happen).

We all hope, some people hope a little more than others. You hear people all the time say they hope that certain things will happen. I hope the meal turns out good. I hope it is warm tomorrow or doesn’t rain. We hope a person arrives to a certain destination safely. I hope I have a good interview for a new job. I hope my lottery ticket wins or I wish I would win the lottery. I wish I had more money. We hope things go as planned. I wish that person would like me. I wish people could just get along with each other. Hope and wish are very much the same, maybe the hope is more obtainable. I hope and wish I would feel better. Today I hope and wish it would warm up and I hope the electric stays on. Of course like many things we hope for, we have to be patient and wait for it. It will warm up again, we just have to be patient. Then we will wish it would cool off.

I have done my share of hoping, wishing, daydreaming, and fantasizing about what life would be like if things would just happen a certain way. Some of the things we hope for can be influenced by our actions. Lots of times hope is used in conjunction with prayer. I hope and pray the surgery goes well. Now we not only hope but we pray God is listening and will answer our prayer. Sometimes no matter how much we hope and/or pray, things just don’t happen the way we would like them.

What happens when you lose hope? Over the past few years, I have hoped for things only to be disappointed when it didn’t turn out like I hoped or wished for. Many of the things I hoped for are related to my health. It is hard to be hopeful at times when life doesn’t work out the way we wanted it to. It is easy to just give up when you deal with many problems on a daily basis. I’ve often wondered how some people can have hope when they have many more problems than I do. Is it their faith? Is it their support system? Is their brain just wired different? Is it just OK to survive each day one at a time?

Christmas is a time for hope! The new year is the time for hope and new years resolutions. Sadly few people follow through on their resolutions for very long.

So what are things that bring you hope? Faith, your family, a new job, friends, your Doctor., nature? I imagine the birds were hoping I would fill the bird feeders this morning.

So as we celebrate Christmas and head into the new year, may all your prayers, hopes, wishes and dreams come true.

June 21, 2022 Dan Spracklen

Well I didn’t expect that!

What started out as a normal Monday afternoon and evening ended up being a horrible night of pain and suffering. The day was fairly normal, at least normal for me anyway. Thanks to pancreatitis my normal is some abdominal pain and GI issues. I had eaten that day and even had a bowel movement. I don’t remember what I ate but I had been snacking some and didn’t really eat supper. I was having some increase in abdominal pain but didn’t think much about it. Again, that was pretty normal for me. About 6pm it started getting worse. I just figured it was one of my flares and it would go away sooner or later. The pain kept increasing and my mind began to wonder if this was a stronger flare or something else. By 9 pm it was causing me serious discomfort and I was considering going to the hospital emergency room. Going to the ER is the last thing I want to do. The stress of going to the ER of the past 10 years has taken its toll on me. By 10 pm I told myself if it wasn’t better or decreasing by midnight I would go in. By now I was bent over in pain and pacing the floor. By the time midnight came I was curled up in a ball on the floor as I weighed my options on how to get to the hospital. Maybe not the best decision but I figured traffic would be very light so I drove myself. I arrived at the ER and was triaged and taken to a room. A CT scan showed a bowel twisted and blockage. An IV was started and I was given pain meds. When they walked in with a glass of water and a long tube I knew I was in trouble. This meant I was getting a NG, nasal gastric tube that would suck out the contents of my stomach. The hope was that It would also undo the blockage. They put an EG tube in through your nose as you drink water through as straw. As you drink and swallow the tube follows the esophagus to the stomach. They push the tube in to the coaching of swallow, swallow, swallow. It is not a fun experience.

I was admitted and taken to my room. I was NPO, nothing by mouth, IV fluids and my pain was mildly controlled. Nothing really improved over the next 24 hours. Late Wednesday night my pain started to increase again. Pain medications were no longer controlling my intense agony. I was again curled up in a ball in my bed crying. 10 out of 10 on the pain scale, I honestly wanted to die if they couldn’t do something. The doctor thankfully increased my pain medication which took the edge off. I was sent down for another CT scan. Soon after returning to my room, I was informed that I was going to need emergency surgery for a perforated bowl. It was about 2am on Thursday morning and a call had gone out for the on-call surgery team. By about 4am I was being taken to preop and soon after into the surgical suite. I moved over onto the surgical table and that was all I remember. Next thing I knew and remember I was back in my room. I was hooked up to several tubes and wires. NG tube, IV line, O2 nasal cannula, wound vac, catheter, heart monitor, O2 saturation and compression sleeves on my legs meant I wasn’t going anyplace soon. My pain was different now but no less intense. They had cut me open on the same incision as my pancreas surgery. About 10 inches of my small bowel was removed. The surgeon had to cut through the mesh that had been put in to repair the hernia I had in 2017. This created a bit of a challenge for the surgeon and to quote him, “I sewed it back together the best I could.” The surgeon said I had several adhesions which likely caused the problem. I would have to be watched carefully when healing for any complications. It took 25 staples to close my wound this time. A few less than the 43 for my pancreas surgery. I wasn’t going to be allowed to eat or drink anything for a couple of days. The IV was dripping and I was getting 2 different antibiotics. My pain was controlled as long as I get the medication on time. I was very sore and as with any abdominal surgery moving hurt. They wanted me up walking so I would get up a couple of times a day with help and do one lap on the floor. It hurt and I didn’t have much energy but doing it was very necessary. Each day I managed to get rid of a tube or wires. Getting the NG tube out was very welcomed. Finally, I had just my IV and heart monitor left. I was able to get up on my own and walk. I started out on ice chips and moved up to clear liquids the next day. After not eating for a week, jello and broth were a treat. A couple days later I started soft foods like mash potatoes and cream of wheat.

After 9 days in the hospital I was able to head home. Recovery at home by myself was difficult but I managed. I moved extremely slow and very carefully. I struggled with my energy and tired extremely quick. Sleeping at home was a challenge and I had to sit up to sleep as I couldn’t lie flat. Sitting in the recliner was the best place but keeping the cat off my lap was a challenge. I used a pillow to hold on my abdomen and protect my belly. I had a 10 lb. lifting restriction for the next 2 months and was told not to life anything to heavy all summer. I couldn’t drive and had friends take me to my next 2 doctor appointments. As the days went by I slowly improved, was able eat a little better and start gaining some weight back. I had lost 25 lbs. down to 183, lower than what I weight graduating from high school. As of today I have gained back a few pounds and continue to feel better. I’m walking a mile 5-6 times a week. I still do not lift anything heavy but have increased my activity around the house. I figure it will take me most of the summer to recover. I’m thankful for my family and friends who have helped me during this difficult time. From getting groceries, to Dr. appointments, bringing supper, mowing the lawn or just checking in on me, I’m grateful for the people who helped. I’m also grateful for the staff at Marion General for the care I received during my 9 days.

I told someone that this illness and surgery really kicked my ass pretty bad. It certainly changed my plans for the spring and summer. But for almost 10 years now my health has caused many things to change. The struggle physically and mentally has been difficult. The fight continues and even though this knocked me down in whatever round it was, I have got back on my feet and will keep fighting.

December 23, 2021 Dan Spracklen

Tears on my pillow

The tears on my pillow that nobody sees

Sadness that falls like leaves from the trees

Each and every night like a clock ready to chime

It always happens right around bedtime

Flowing freely, they stream down my cheek

Streaming from my eyes, there must be a leak

Taking the short path to the pillow on my bed

If you look closely, it makes my eyes turn red

Like a leaky faucet sometimes they drip off my nose

As the gut retching agony reaches my toes

Sometimes the tears, they get caught in my beard

Occasionally I use my hand and they get smeared

Nobody understands the pain I have deep inside

All the years of agony and strain I’ve tried to hide

Some nights the wound is too much to regulate

Tired and exhausted from fighting there is no debate

Many nights it is the never-ending pain

That makes my tears fall down like rain

Other nights could be loneliness that primes the well

Some nights I have no clue what causes this hell

My mind is wound up with thoughts of sadness

Why do I deserve all this horrible madness?

Nobody knows that tears flow at wee hours of the morning

My pillow soaks them up as they come without warning

Falling to the fabric, the tears leave their trail of despair

Sleep is erratic, broken down into a horrible nightmare

Bruised and battered, will my tears ever stop

Or will the storm clouds gather with more rain drops

October 24, 2021 Dan Spracklen

What happens when the tears stop flowing?

For about 9 years now I have dealt with pain and fighting the unknown. What started out as a physically and mentally demanding illness has now turned into several chronic conditions. The fight is constant and unrelenting. It is more physically and mentally demanding as ever. I write as a way to express myself and what I feel. It is one of my few outlets to this hellish roller coaster I’m on. I’m constantly reading and trying to figure out what would help physically and mentally.

This poem is another to many I’ve written or blogs I’ve posted. If you have known me very long you may have read some of my posts about my battle with pancreatitis and other things that have happened during that battle. One I wrote over 6 years ago was called The CP Roller Coaster. Although my illness and situation has changed some, it still holds extremely truthful today.

I’m posting my new poem and the CP Roller Coaster blog again to show, while things change, they also stay the same. From the song Circumstances by Rush.

All the same we take our chances
Laughed at by time
Tricked by circumstances
Plus ca change
Plus c’est la meme chose
The more that things change
The more they stay the same

What happens when the tears stop flowing?